Putin Sings the Pussy Riot Blues

MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin Monday declared war on Pussy Riot and rock ‘n’ roll, threatening to hunt down and lock up the protest punk group and even western rockers who he feels have criticized him.

Russian President Vladimir Putin is lashing out at rock music groups he feels are singing songs criticizing him.

The announcement came after Putin summoned Satan to the Kremlin. “This is your work,” said the former KGB head, who is atheist. “You may be beyond my reach, but your Pussy Rioters and rockers are not. I can catch them, put on show trials, and lock them up until their hair falls out, or turns gray. In Russia, we can lock up as many people as in America,” Putin told Satan.

“Now Vlady, why would you want to do that?” asked Satan, who manifested as a giant talking vagina.

“You and your minions are mocking the moral authority of the Russian soul, the church,” a red faced Putin said as he pounded his desk. “Hooliganism is the gateway to terrorism!”

“Oh, Vlady please. All they want is a government that at least makes an honest appearance at serving its citizens. Is that asking so much?” the devil asked.

“But the church…”

“Vlady, since when did you start caring about the church? Have you forgotten how you and I put the churches under our thumb?” Satan asked, smiling.

“But the church is god’s house…”

“Stop Vladimir. You know God has nothing to do with Russia,” said Satan. “I’m the one in charge here and you know it. You haven’t forgotten how close we were have you my little mushroom? We’ll always have Lubyanka.”

(Pussy Riot 3 Sentenced)

“But why are you doing this to me?” an exasperated Putin remonstrated.

Pussy Riot protesters are getting the better of Russian authorities who don’t know how to respond.

“Because the devil acts in even more mysterious ways than God. You know that, Vladimir,” counseled Satan, as Putin  began  to scribble on a memo.

(Satan, Pussy Galore, Sit in on Pussy Riot’s Trial)

“Right now, I am signing orders to lock up every member of Pussy Riot we can catch. And, we will have show trials 24 x 7…”

“On the comedy cable channel?” quipped Satan.

“You make joke now, but when these girls are sentenced for seven years, we will see who is smiling,” Putin threatened.

“And then we are going to send agents for  the Beatles,  Elvis Presley, and Rolling Stones…”

“The Beatles?! Really Vlady. They broke up decades ago and sang love ballads,” Satan protested.

“No, I tell you, they sang Nowhere Man, Revolution, and I am a Walrus…”

“Vlady. Calm yourself. How is I am a Walrus a threat to the president of Russia?”

“We are not sure,” said Putin, “But we are playing it backwards to find out. We will learn all about this Lenin imposter,” Putin stared down Satan.

Satan laughed. “Vladimir, you’re letting your paranoia get the better of you. His name was John Lennon and he’s been dead for decades. He may have been a little mixed up, even a revolutionary wanna-be. But believe me, I knew Lenin, and he was no Lenin.”

“Then we will get Elvis Presley…”

“Old swivel hips? Why would you want to do that?”

“We hear he is singing You Ain’t Nothing but a Hound Dog,” said Putin.

“Well, son of a bitch that you are Vlady, that’s not about you, I assure you,” answered Satan.

“Then for sure, we will kidnap Rolling Stones and bring them to Moscow for singing subversive song,” remonstrated Putin.

“Oh, and which song is that Vladimir?”

Satisfaction, they are signing they can’t get satisfaction. It makes Russian people think satisfaction is something they can get. In Russia, we have suffering,” Putin glowered.

“Hmmm…You might be on to something there,” said a contemplative Satan. “Of course, though, now that so many expect satisfaction, if you try to take that expectation away…” Satan drifted off into thought.

“No, say what you are thinking,” said Putin.

“I’m just afraid, old friend,” Satan counseled, “you might end up with more than a Pussy Riot on your hands.”

Comments

  1. Hiya, I am really glad I’ve found this info. Today bloggers publish just about gossips and web and this is really annoying. A good web site with interesting content, this is what I need. Thanks for keeping this web-site, I’ll be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Can’t find it.

Trackbacks

  1. […] (Putin Sings Pussy Riot Blues) […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 48 other followers

%d bloggers like this: